Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
