sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
