This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
