he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
