Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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