I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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