Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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