And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
