And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have fence marks all over my body
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
