The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I party with great urgency now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
