I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
