Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
