I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
