i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
