Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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