I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
