The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
