Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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