Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
