just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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