Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
