Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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