If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
