I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
