He asked to "fluff my boner.."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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