WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
