Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
