cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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