You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
