At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
