wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
