Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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