You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
