when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
