White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
