When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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