Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
