New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
