so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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