Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we're making bets on your personal life
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
