My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
