maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
