I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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