RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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