No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
