I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize