I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
