I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
