He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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