i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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