No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
