I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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