She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
