dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
