I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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