So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
