I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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