I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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