I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
