I'm lost and stupid without you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
