Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!

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(517): View more from Michigan

Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.

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(804): View more from Virginia

he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.

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(618): View more from Illinois

not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...

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(310): View more from California

Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube

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