apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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