i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
