On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Boobs speak an international language.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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