Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
