Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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