Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
