You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
