Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
