I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
