Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Boobs are out for the taking
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
